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submitted by Beverlye Hyman Fead
In 2002, my husband and I were invited on a trip to Greece by friends
of ours, celebrating their anniversary and birthday. During this trip,
I had funny little stabbing pains and I thought the Greek food wasn't
agreeing with me. It didn't stop our fun but I told my
husband I'd get checked out when I got home.
I went into my internist for a physical without a worry in the world, thinking that perhaps I had caught a bug. And now that I look back I realize
I must have been in denial, knowing my background. I had lost my
grandmother, mother, and two sisters to cancer. And I myself had had
uterine lining cancer solved by a hysterectomy 12 years prior. I wasn't
even thinking that my cancer could have come back…
He probed my stomach. It hurt. He asked how long this had been going
on. I realized it had been quite a while. Somehow I had made
adjustments to it. He suggested we take a x-ray, and a few hours later
we were back in his office, my x-rays aglow on the panel of lights
behind him. There was a mass.
A mass of what? I asked. I felt the first waves of shock hit. He said
it could be adhesions from my hysterectomy or - I knew the answer but
asked anyway. Or what? He took some time answering. We needed to rule out stomach cancer.
Anger hit next. I had been working out. I was in good shape. I was sure
it was just a sore stomach. I felt fear climb up my throat. He insisted
on more tests, and so we took them: blood tests, colonoscopy,
endoscopy - all nothing. I prayed that maybe it was an adhesion after all.
My last test was a laparoscopy. As I came out of the anesthesia, I
could hear the doctor telling my family how serious it was. There were
eight large, cancerous tumors in my abdomen. Terror struck my heart. It
was weeks before the primary source and the final diagnosis were
disclosed: I had fourth-stage, inoperable, metastasized, leiomyosarcoma
(uterine stromal sarcoma).
And so the dance began.
This is what the doctor suggested: Three weeks of heavy chemo in the
hospital- get very sick, lose your hair. Followed by a resection of
your stomach- very slow recovery. Again, three more weeks of chemo into
the site. That was Friday- start on Monday? I didn't know if I could
survive that treatment. I felt strongly that this was not for me!
What will happen to me if I don't do this? I asked. We think you would
have about two months… Blur. White noise.
Luckily, we had made appointments with two other doctors who worked in
conjunction with each other. One doctor decided to go back into my old
cells, and saw that they had drifted into my abdomen, making my cancer
hormone-receptive. Because of that, miraculously I was then open to
other forms of treatment.
After getting approval from the Tumor Board,
I thought to myself, this is the treatment I'm going with. My
experimental treatment was a shot of Lupron every three months, and a
pill of Femara every day. I was taking a big chance! Would it work or
would my tumors grow?
I went to work being proactive in my disease. I felt I needed to
surround my body with health in a way that made me feel stronger
emotionally and spiritually. I found a cancer nutritionist, a
wonderful, healing acupuncturist, and a therapist who I thought would
teach me to die gracefully, but instead helped me to learn to live with
my cancer.
My team (husband, children, grandchildren and friends) was amazing. My
children and my husband never left my side. I looked for a way to
express my feelings, and found it at a hospice poetry class. At least,
I thought, this would be good to leave my children. I never dreamt it
would become a book to help others, as well, not surprisingly called, I
Can Do This: Living with Cancer, Tracing a Year of Hope.
Four years later, all of my tumors are still in place, and I take my
medicine and regular cat scans. Yet I live well with cancer, my
uninvited guest. I play golf with my husband, luxuriate in my
grandchildren, and relish in the richness of my life. These have
definitely been the most fulfilling four years of my life.
I was selected in 2006 as a Legislative Ambassador to Capitol Hill
for the American Cancer Society. I also serve on the Gold Coast council for
the ACS, serve on the Santa Barbara Cancer Board and the Santa Barbara
Breast Resource Auxiliary Board and travel all over the country
speaking with my book. I am writing my second book with my
eight-year-old granddaughter explaining cancer to children called,
"Nana, What's Cancer?"
My wish is to inspire people and to say to each and every one of you
that, together, you and I Can Do This.
The Uninvited Guest
I feel fortunate my tumors came to me
In the fall of my life.
For at this stage
I am grateful for this uninvited wake-up call.
My days are more meaningful to me now.
Would I have taken the time to appreciate
All the blessings in the Summer of my life?
No, I think not.
Would I have noticed how healing the sun feels
On my face and arms
And let it rest there so carelessly?
Would I have appreciated the beautiful images
The moon makes in the still of the night?
No, I have my tumors to thank for that.
And so I do.
Thank you.
Beverlye Hyman Fead is the author of "I Can Do This: Living with Cancer, Tracing a Year of Hope. Her website is www.BeverlyeHymanFead.com.
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